Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Valentine's Day - Howard and Beth Engaged

Shock jock Howard Stern says he's engaged

NEW YORK -- Howard Stern is engaged to Beth Ostrosky, the veteran shock jock announced on his radio program this morning.

Stern, who divorced his first wife Alison in 1999 after some 20 years of marriage, has repeatedly said he would never get married again.

He denied rumors of marriage as recently as last week.

Stern, 53, left commercial radio in 2005 and joined Sirius Satellite Radio, where his morning radio show is aired "uncensored."

He starred in the 1997 motion picture "Private Parts," based on career, which launched in Hartford. Much of the film focused on his relationship with his first wife.

In typical Stern fashion, he joked today that he removed Ostrosky's uterus to guarantee the couple will not have children.

"I see my married friends with children and it seems like absolute torture to me," Stern said this morning.

Callers to the Stern show are ridiculing the shock jock because of the announcement.

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Monday, February 12, 2007

One hour of the Grammys is enough

Random thoughts while thinking about switching over to OnDemand or FuseTV ...

And the "Can life get any better?" award goes to:

Justin Timberlake gets to suck face and be in a pool with Scarlet Johansson in his new video in otherwise horrible MTV pre-show.

The Police - repeat, I never need to hear Roxanne ever again, especially jazzercised. I actually thought this might transition into a medley. Sting looking great and ready for sequel to Dune (worst movie of all time?) - Andy Summers ready for a nap.

What happened to "Little" Stevie Wonder? He's huge! I was touched that Stevie mentioned memory of his mother, but what the heck is Tony Bennett doing thanking Target as "best sponsor he's ever worked with"?

Probably my only chance to know a Grammy winner is ruined when Deborah Henson Conant gets shafted in category #106 Best Classical Crossover.

Joan Baez on stage and looking great. First time Woody Guthrie's name ever referenced at Grammys? This land is your land = three brave women not ready to make nice. OK, but for me to really like the Dixie Chicks, I'll need a medley w. Neil Young on "Impeach the President."

A break for our sponsors ... Did I just hear Pharrell on Heineken Light ad? Apple ad didn't reference DRM or availability of Beatles songs. Missed a great PR opp there Steve Jobs!

Prince is dried off from Purple Rain and lacking a do rag for three word intro of Beyonce (he's pissed she's with Jay). Anybody else imagine Whitney Houston scowling viciously at the TV set during Beyonce?

Note to self: Fergie looks hotter in Kohl's Candys shoes ad than she does on stage.

Black Eyed Peas on stage and I swear the cool guy in the hat has ear bling - really, it looks like caps have moved up the face. Speaking of, India.Arie has the biggest earrings on the planet.
Mary J. Blige wins making former Topazer and current Universal Music diva Ashley Gagnon and Bono happy. Ashley because she gets to have fun at her glitzy post-party Monday night and Bono because I think I heard that horrible "One" song sampled. Does the "J" in Mary J. Blige stand for Jesus? She managed to squeeze in 200 people in her thanks, the last 15 just as background music got really loud.

What have we become award winner: Grammys competes with "American Idol" (Topaz fav in the past) with voting in non-descript duet singers by texting to 81818. The winner gets to be on stage with I heart JT later in the show and never be heard from again.

Worst ad of the night co-winners: Goodbuy = "Hello Goodbye" by the Beatles for Target. InaGardaDaVida opus is featured in a Fidelity ad. Great, now I finally understand what the song means - no load or IRA fees.

Justin has a new song, "What goes around." Comment below if I'm way off in my interpretation, but is I heart JT still obssessed about Britney or was it really the "experiences of a best friend" as he got to intro on stage? Justin has a hand-held camera for the YouTube effect - Where else could he put the camera that would really make his fans happy? In a related development, The Doors get a life time achievement? "I am not my hair" is a song India.Arie song - doesn't that defeat the purpose?

Mary J. - more Jesus and short discussion about high and lows in her life. On theword crawl at bottom of screen I notice Slayer won a Grammy thereby proving that the Devil is making a big comeback.

Another bad ad with "Fire" on Cingular/AT&T/Death Star - Hendrix vocals and solo edited? Lil' Jon delivering beer by way of a Gulfstream? Heather Locklear ad - wait, no Richie Sambora voodoo doll on set for that one? However, John Mayer is evil.

In conclusion, why is there no Grammy for best MySpace or YouTube performance? The sites are in better shape than the entire music industry.

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Wednesday, February 07, 2007


Will anyone be watching tonight? Will there be any answers? Or just more confusion?

Tune in tomorrow...

I have a sneaky feeling there will be no answers and just more confusion.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

An open letter to Sarah Silverman

Dear Sarah: my name is Dave (not my real name). I don’t know much about you, but what I do know, I like.

That being the case, I would like to take this opportunity to ask you on a date. I think we have a lot in common and would hit it off.

I enjoy a woman who’s not afraid to speak her mind. I loved “Jesus Is Magic,” your recently released comedy movie, because it demonstrated your strong sense of humor and your sturdy intellect. You touched on AIDS, teenage pregnancy, the current political landscape and your vagina with sensitivity, intelligence and thought-provoking commentary. I, too, am deeply concerned about these topics.

I must admit, while I hold your obvious intelligence and sensitivity in high esteem, my motives for meeting are somewhat based on your good looks. I love your dark hair, your dark eyes, your slender neck, your pert, sparkling-clean breasts, your curved torso and your long legs. I haven’t seen them (yet), but I bet your feet are cute, too.

I know you’re currently involved with some comedian guy who has a show on at 2:30 in the morning, when the only people watching are the criminally insane and the chronically unemployable, but I feel I am the better man. As an example, I am a musician. I have toured the country and have met such celebrities as the guy who used to play Urkel and one of the Brady kids. I am not up to your level of star power, of course, but if we bump into any of your Hollywood friends on our way to dinner before we burn off those calories together, I could smile and relate.

I know you’ll be busy with your new television show, which I’ll be watching, but I hope you take time to consider my offer.

I’m looking forward to your response. I just love a woman who lets it all hang out.