An open letter to Sarah Silverman
Dear Sarah: my name is Dave (not my real name). I don’t know much about you, but what I do know, I like.
That being the case, I would like to take this opportunity to ask you on a date. I think we have a lot in common and would hit it off.
I enjoy a woman who’s not afraid to speak her mind. I loved “Jesus Is Magic,” your recently released comedy movie, because it demonstrated your strong sense of humor and your sturdy intellect. You touched on AIDS, teenage pregnancy, the current political landscape and your vagina with sensitivity, intelligence and thought-provoking commentary. I, too, am deeply concerned about these topics.
I must admit, while I hold your obvious intelligence and sensitivity in high esteem, my motives for meeting are somewhat based on your good looks. I love your dark hair, your dark eyes, your slender neck, your pert, sparkling-clean breasts, your curved torso and your long legs. I haven’t seen them (yet), but I bet your feet are cute, too.
I know you’re currently involved with some comedian guy who has a show on at 2:30 in the morning, when the only people watching are the criminally insane and the chronically unemployable, but I feel I am the better man. As an example, I am a musician. I have toured the country and have met such celebrities as the guy who used to play Urkel and one of the Brady kids. I am not up to your level of star power, of course, but if we bump into any of your
I know you’ll be busy with your new television show, which I’ll be watching, but I hope you take time to consider my offer.
I’m looking forward to your response. I just love a woman who lets it all hang out.